A Sober October

The celebration of September spilled over into the early weeks of October, as two of our friends from law school decided to engage in silly behavior and get married. I was happy for it because it meant a mini-law school reunion (Amanda flew in for the weekend) complete with free alcohol and food.

After the weekend I had revolving around the wedding, I was ready for a change. And so was my liver. I spent the next two weeks upholding a vow of sobriety. I enjoyed it. My face was less puffy and I think I might have lost some weight. But most importantly, I proved to myself that it isn't hard to pass up a drink every now and again. This explains the lack of action photos for October.

My plan was to bust out of sobriety just in time for Halloween but the calendar was not on my side this year. Halloween fell on a Wednesday and though we all had big plans, our work-centered lives overshadowed the hope of having a great time. Thank goodness we celebrated at work, otherwise it would've been a very hollow Halloween. The view from outside my office:

A Month Worth Marvelling

I won't say who has hounded me all week to blog...but it worked. Here you go.

It's no secret that this is my favorite month. Twenty-nine days lead up to the best day of the year, September 30. Who cares if that sounds self-indulgent. Anyone who has ever met me or spent any amount of time with me knows how important my bday is for me. But this month gave me lots of reasons to celebrate.

On September 12th I awoke to nauseau and butterflies. Missouri bar results were scheduled for release - mid-morning we were told. As a treat for what could be either the worst or best day of our life (relatively speaking), Katie and I went to Starbucks before we left for work. I rarely spend money on coffee - so this was a big deal. We gave each other a supportive hug and went on our respective ways to work. Lucky for me, Katie's work is a mere 10 minutes away and she arrived in time to check if results were posted before I had even made it half way to work. So when my cell phone rang at 8:15 that morning - and identified Katie as the caller - I knew it could only be one thing. I was thankful she could deliver the news to me, that I had passed, that she had passed...in fact anyone I knew that I took the bar with had passed. It was time to celebrate. Oh wait. It was time to go to work.

Twelve hours later, the celebration was winding down. Our behavior had detiorated from that of the most recent addition to a profession of the highest integrity, to...well, you can see for yourself:

(We're eating wings)

Eight days later, and I found myself in a much more respectable celebration. On Thursday, September 20 I took the Oath of Admission in Jefferson City, Missouri to uphold the honor and integrity of the legal profession. I was more overcome with emotion than I thought I would be and when we were directed to give a moment of thanks to our family who supported us through the journey, I was unable to hold back the tears as I turned to look at mom. Thank you for being there then and every day before.

Left: signing the attorney register - Right: mom and I minutes before I swore in

Not to be forgotten- the highlight of my month. We started my birthday weekend by going to the LCD/Arcade Fire concert at Starlight. It couldn't have been better weather or a better time.

Saturday night my roommates through me a party to be remembered. Mom and dad were there early in the evening. They know better than to stay past the time when I might become embarassing. The party took flight to one of my new favorite bars, Jilly's, on 18th and Main. 80's dance music + birthday Adrienne = one good time. Thanks to everyone for another wonderful birthday!! Here are some relatively self-explanatory pics of my night:

This is what it sounds like

The 5:45 am alarm blasts too loudly to the first radio station I could find
It wakes me from a peaceful slumber of dreams I don't remember
(The 5:45 alarm is now the 6:45 alarm
I no longer need time to make coffee or watch tv.
The coffee at work is fine. The Today Show is for housewives.)

My bare feet shuffle on the cold hardwood floor to the fan in the corner
The fan switches click and suddenly the room is filled in an erie unsound
A few more shuffles to the shower and then water splashes on ceramic tile
An inaudible sigh escapes me. I'm awake.

Seven minutes later and the blow dryer seems to drones on. And on. And on.
I Tap tap tap at my makeup brush to remove the excess mineral powder
While I smudge my lower lid to blur the eyeliner line
This is as good as my face will look all day.

I sigh my first heavy sigh as I begin the click clack paths with my high heels
Closet to mirror. Closet to mirror.
Do I wear this skirt with this shirt? Maybe this shirt with those heels...
Or those heels with that skirt...
Click clack. Click clack.

Eventually the Clicks follow the clacks out the door.
Reliably the engine of my Alero whirrs but does not purr.
And again another fan blasts away the heat of an Indian summer.
"Slowed traffic at the Grandview triangle; a wreck at I-435 and K-10"
One by one the traffic radio guys tell me the good news
I'm not on any of those roads. Ward Parkway has yet to fail me.

Twenty-five to twenty-nine minutes later I click and clack across the parking lot
I wait for the beep as I wave my security card by the backdoor
33 clicks and 33 more clacks up the three flights up stairs to my office
(The last clicks I make until lunch when I transcend the three flights to the first floor cafeteria)

"Good morning." "Good morning." "How are you?" "Fine. How are you?"
I am greeted and I greet as I swoosh by the three cubicles out in front of my office.
And finally, as if it is sighing along with me, the air escapes from my leather desk chair as I sit down.

I'm here. I'm at work. I'm an attorney.

And that is what it sounds like.

Goodbye L-town

Tonight is my official last night in Lawrence. It's pretty weird. Well, anti-climactic is a better word. After lastnight's shenanigans I guess it is for the better that I take it easy tonight. I spent the day packing up my house with my dear mother who slaved away right along with me. Dad came just in time for dinner. I'm delighted we chose Johnny's down the street. Though it may not serve the finest food or maintain a level of cleanliness required by city code, it's a Lawrence establishment and the first place I had a beer with Amanda just over three years ago.

I finished up the night with my neighbors, Jesse and Dilly, watching a little television. I forgot what watching television was like. I don't think I even miss it. But I will miss those boys. I will miss not being able to walk around the front of my duplex and walk into their side of the house. They always greet me in a way that makes me know they're actually glad I'm there.

Now I'm laying in my empty room wondering what I can wonder about. It's actually weird that for the first time in I really don't know how long, I don't have to think about something. Sure there are big changes to come, but tomorrow I'm going on vacation. I should be more specific - my body will be re-locating to Denver for the weekend; my brain's been on vacation since yesterday at 3:00pm.

Thank you to each of you for your support during all of this. You mean the world to me. I couldn't have done it without you.

Goodnight, Lawrence.

I'm over it

In one week this madness is going to be over.

I can't imagine the relief I'll feel. I'm sure those closest to me will feel the reverberations of relaxation -- even those of you so far away, I'm sure you'll feel it too.

Today I hit a wall. I think I've hit at least three brick walls in the last two weeks. It's painful when you hit them because each time I wasn't expecting them. Once it happened when I expended most of a day studying one rule-laden subject with little pay off in practice test performance. It happened today because...well, who knows. I'm tired. I can't memorize everything. I'm lonely. The law is my only companion and right now the law is my enemy. Makes for some interesting open-ended, explitive-filled conversations with myself. Wouldn't you all like to be a fly on the walls of mom and dad's house right now...?

I called my mommy and daddy to cry about it. Instant therapy. I took a shower and then I did what every blue girl does -- blasted the radio and danced around the house singing to silly pop music.

Thank you, Katherine McPhee for reminding me just how "over it" I am today.

It's so SKI-Z!

A day on the lake is EXACTLY what I needed. It reminded me of my deep-seeded goal to one day own a house on the lake with a boat! Thanks to our generous professor, Katie, Dan, Jesse and I headed out to Clinton Lake yesterday for a day far away from BarBri woes. Here we are, sans Jesse who refused to be in pictures. Don't we look happy as clams to be here?

Dan and Katie are funny. A very competitive couple. Dan thinks Katie sucks at skiing, as shown below.

Unfortunately I failed to capture the essence of Dan's complete yard sale (to borrow a word from the snow-skiing vernacular which is used to describe a very hard fall in which the skiier loses multiple items from their person, such as skiies, poles, gloves, snow hat, etc). Suffice it to say, he's no better than Katie.

Then it was my turn. Here I am, waiting in the water. Reminding myself to think positively and visualize nothing but me skiing beautifully on glassy water. Well, it wasn't exactly glass that day, but it was pretty darn nice.

And just like that...I was up!!!

You can clearly tell from this picture on the right that I was leaning back a little too far and keeping my legs too far apart. Inevitably, I fell very soon.

But don't worry folks, I got right back up. Two or three more times. The last time I was giding beautifully in the wake. After a minute or so, I finally got brave enough to attempt to get out of the wake but that's when I fell again. This time, for the last time. I was pretty happy with myself. And now I've got a goal for next time: get out of the wake and STAY out. And then maybe a jump...who knows?? :)

Here we are, on the way home. A trio who clearly had lots of fun! Thank you, Kansas, for one nice day on the lake!

Trying to catch a firefly

A few nights ago I found myself in the midst of one of those rare but amazing Kansas nights. No wind. No heat. Just wonderful. And mother nature's icing on the cake included a sky full of fireflies. As they illuminated the night, I found myself thinking fondly back to those days when I was just a little girl trying to catch a firefly.

Now I'm at a time in my life when the world is my oyster and I'm happy for that as much as one can be when the world is their oyster. Like the magic words from Reading Rainbow, I really can go anywhere and be anything. I know that. It is now up for me to decide what that anything is and where that anywhere is...and I realize that this process doesn't have to happen in a day or a month or a year. I can be 75 and still have an oyster or two out their waiting for me.

What troubles me the most in my quest at life is the nature of the lifestyles I've contemplated in these past days. They are nothing short of polar opposites. I cannot seem to find that "happy median." And if ever there was a term I used to hate ("happy median") I am certain I see the utility in it just now. The happy median is, after all, I believe where I could really find the most happiness -- right there in the middle of these two opposing lifestyles.

Let me be more specific. I want a successful career but I want to spend whole days and weeks working in the garden in my backyard. I want to know high profile people and have fabulous five-course dinners but I want to make homemade wood-fired pizza on the deck at my house on the farm for my kids and their dad. I want to make loads of money and wear expensive clothes and have my friends notice what I'm wearing but I want the people around me to care less about what I am wearing. I want a loft in the heart of all the happy hour action and gossip with my friends about work scandals but I want to pop open a bottle of wine and watch the sunset on a horizon full of nothing but open plains with my husband and hear how his day was.

I know their is a middle ground here. I know I will find it. But I'm painfully aware that going through the motions will probably get me more in the former than the latter.

When it comes to these kind of deep-rooted personal decisions, I'm always looking for a sign. I look for some odd little roadmap in the stars to lead me down the right path. And in that way, I'm very much like that little girl I once was, still just trying to catch a firefly...hoping I'll pick that something that illuminates my way when I'm not sure where to go and lights up my life in only the magical way a firefly can.