I'm flooded

After a weekend of heavy rains, many areas of Kansas are flooded or threatened with flooding. The Kansas River is my personal gem as I make my way around Lawrence. I have to cross the river to go just about everywhere in Lawrence and I look forward to it every time. I looked forward to it a little more today because I knew the water would be running high. I'm not sure where my fascination with flooding comes from. Knowing the devastation it caused over fifteen years ago to many parts of my life (the Ranch house, Lake Wilson, etc) you would think I wouldn't be the biggest fan of floods. Maybe the impact it had on me at such an early age gave me a great respect for the damage that massive amounts of water can cause. Who knows. I snapped these photos on my way to school this morning. It was pretty amazing and the photos don't do it justice -- especially if you're not familiar with the usual water level.

The one directly above on the left is the east side of the river bridge and there are usually gates up to control the flow of water. Today, the water is too high to block.

As I watched the river rage for nearly fifteen minutes, I couldn't help but address my feelings of being flooded lately. In every possible way. In less than two weeks, my dear older brothers and their plus ones will be travelling back to Kansas for my graduation. My extended siblings -- Andrea and Travis -- will be there as well. As I think about the time we'll be spending together, I am flooded with emotions of joy and excitement. I can't imagine ever looking forward to a time more in my life. Sometimes I forget the personal milestone I'll be reaching. Sometimes I am flooded in the sadness of knowing they will be leaving all too soon.

I am also flooded in my own world, with both "work" and relationships. As I near the end of the semester, and seemingly have very little to do (finish a paper), I make a checklist in my mind of everything I really have to do and I begin to feel a little overwhelmed. Flooded, if you will.

I've never felt so flooded with relationships either. At a time when myself and those around me are gearing up for big changes, we all sense the urgency to hang out and spend as much time together as possible. To soak up these moments before the drought that inevitably will follow our graduation. And I'm suddenly flooded in my relationships with two very important males in my life. One who you've all heard of by now - Casey - who happens to make it his personal mission to flood my life in every way possible -- with time spent together, with sappy text messages, with flowers, the list goes on. And while I've made room in my life to appreciate these things, it seems the one area he cannot flood me with is the one area I'm dying without: a little personality. I find myself starved for a joke or sarcastic comment when I'm with him. Like a dried out plant, when I find a source of laughter, I soak it up in overwhelming amounts. This weekend I recognized one of my biggest sources of laughter as my very dear friend, Dakota. A boy who has been in my life for several years, often playing many different roles as friend or maybe something more. But timing has never been right with him. He couldn't be more opposite of Casey, both physically and personally.

As I sat with Dakota at a bar on Saturday night, doubled over in laughter, I couldn't help but think about my life 50 years from now when Casey's height and good looks mean nothing to me. Who will flood my life with joy? I feel like I'm at a crossroads - not wishing to hurt either's feelings but understanding I must consider my own. But there is no hurry, I cannot fight the heavy currents this early. For now, I'm being flooded and I think I like it.